3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
