she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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