i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
