If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
