It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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