my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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