omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
