Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
