I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
