can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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