spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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