Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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