theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize