she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
