The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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