Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
