i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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