yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
