the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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