You can't motorboat a personality
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
