The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
