so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
