real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
