How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
