office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
