please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
