Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
