Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
