I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I deserve this hangover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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