what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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