how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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