I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
