My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
