I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
