sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize