Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're like the curious george of whores
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
