Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
