I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
