dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He kissed a someone with a penis
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
