There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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