Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mom said you looked used
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize