They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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