At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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