Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
