I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
