Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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