You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
