Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
