I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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