never play flip cup with pint glasses
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
