im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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