Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
