if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize