gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
