im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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