he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
