I'm lost and stupid without you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
