he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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