My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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