If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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