so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
