genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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