You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just invented taco cereal.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
