yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
