Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
