i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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