u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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