It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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