fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
