dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
