You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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